A Twist In My (Lack Of) Sobriety

watermelon-mocktail

Watermelon mocktails. I must try these!

For some time now, I have been concerned about my drinking. Ian Duncan Smith and the DWP knocked me off my happy little sober wagon last year, and I have been struggling to climb back on ever since. Add my liver cirrhosis into the mix and I absolutely shouldn’t be drinking at all! O anxiety, my constant companion; why must you vex me so? (I know; that’s a horrible attempt at Shakespeare, but still better than the teenaged me squeezing zits in front of the mirror whilst crying “Out out, damned spot!”)

I’ve tried to stop several times before over the last twelve months, and have always failed spectacularly. At one point I was drinking an entire bottle of gin a night, and was so very ashamed of myself. I recently switched to real ales, which is better(ish) and even has some good stuff in it, but I very quickly found myself ramping up on the number of bottles I was consuming a day. After all, it’s weak stuff, right? It won’t harm me.

The only person I was kidding was myself. It’s time to stop. Or die. I know which of those two options is preferable, don’t you?

This time it will work. This time I loaded up with ammo before giving it a try. I read a sober blogger’s post after a sober friend pointed it out to me. They recommended a book (Jason Vale’s Kick The Drink… Easily!) and I have to say that I am loving the down to earth, in your face approach to facing the demon. The same blogger also mentioned a website – Soberistas – which I promptly signed up to. In the few days since joining, I have made friends and discovered a huge, non-judgemental, support network of people who are long since sober – and people who are beginning the journey with me. I am also (finally) seeing my epilepsy nurse next week, and we should be able to put a plan together that helps me come off the remainder of the booze (I still drink beer in the evening) in a safe way that won’t put me at risk of status epilepticus.

I am also being assessed for counselling, just in case I need that extra safety net. Because, if I’m going to succeed at this (and succeed I shall) I need a plan for all possible eventualities.

Most of you have heard all of this before, but I’ve been going about it all wrong, it seems. No real motivation, no back-up plan, no counsellor in place. That was very silly of me.

Now I’m off to browze the web for books full of yummy mocktail recipes…

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